From chauffeur to adviser: how parents are helping their children choose a degree
Attending an open day, helping decide which degree to choose and contributing financially: the role of parents in prospective students’ academic futures seems to be growing. Nearly eight out of ten first-year students asked their parents for advice and were glad they did. As a parent, how can you help without being overbearing?
At the Bachelor’s Open Day, there’s a good chance you’ll see a parent standing alongside a prospective student. Around 70% of prospective students attend the Bachelor’s Open Day with a parent, and 40% of visitors are parents. ‘It’s a substantial group that attends,’ says marketing strategist Frank Parlevliet.
Frank has organised open days for 20 years and has always observed that parents play an important role. In recent years, that role seems to be growing: ‘In the past, parents were more like chauffeurs who might pop in for a short time. These days, they have become more like advisors.’
This increased involvement is evident both at the undergraduate information sessions and at the Master’s Open Days. Frank adds, ‘We’re now seeing parents there too, which really wasn’t the case five years ago.’ He attributes this to parents being more involved in their grown-up children’s lives in general: ‘Studying has become both more difficult and more expensive. Due to rising tuition fees and debates about measures such as fines for taking too long to complete a degree, financial considerations are playing a greater role. Parents are helping out by contributing to the costs, and their role is growing as a result.’
The fact that many parents are helping with important decisions comes as no surprise to Anna van Duijvenvoorde, Professor of Developmental Psychology. She researches how young people develop from childhood through adolescence to young adulthood. ‘Although there is often a perception of conflict between parents and children, studies actually show that young Dutch people are generally positive about and value their relationship with their parents.’
Frank sees this reflected in research conducted by his own marketing team. A 2025 survey of first-year students revealed that nearly 80% had sought advice from their parents and were pleased with that advice. Parents therefore play a major role; an even greater role than the young person’s head of year at secondary school.’
Academic pressure
Parental involvement can be valuable, as long as it does not turn into extra pressure, warns Professor van Duijvenvoorde. Young people face greater pressure to perform than in the past, which stems from factors such as school, social media and, at times, their parents. She adds, ‘As a result, there’s greater strain on mental health among certain groups.’ She therefore believes that awareness of this pressure to perform is important.
That increased pressure is recognised by student psychologist Sanne Weeber: ‘Academic pressure is nothing new, but it’s certainly increased due to changes in student grants. More than ever before, students need to complete their studies as fast as possible. That puts them under greater pressure to make the right choice of degree.’
Students’ levels of ambition have also risen significantly. Sanne explains, ‘I think students are comparing themselves to others more than ever before. Social media often paints a “perfect” picture, and I can imagine this creates the impression that choosing the perfect degree programme contributes to that,’ says Sanne. Moreover, the number of degree programmes being offered has increased: ‘There’s a huge amount of information available online, and that can be overwhelming.’
Jaap de Leeuw, a study adviser at Leiden Law School, has noticed that it is mostly highly educated parents who are turning up at open days. He says, ‘They’re absolutely delighted to be back at university and have the chance to reminisce. Sometimes they’re even more excited than their child. But as a parent, you do have to be careful not to undermine your child’s autonomy.’ At the information fair, Jaap tries to actively involve the student in the conversation if the parent is taking over.
Jaap has found that parents’ involvement can go quite far: ‘Some parents actually ring me directly. The first thing I always ask is whether their child knows that they’re contacting us. We deal directly with the student – we don’t go through the parents. As a study adviser, we shouldn’t be getting involved in that way.’
Is your child is in the process of choosing a degree programme, and you are coming to one of our open days together?
Is your child is in the process of choosing a degree programme, and you are coming to one of our open days together? Practical tips, information and guidance to help your child make their own well-informed choice is available here (in Dutch).
Tips from Anna van Duijvenvoorde, Professor of Developmental Psychology
Support works better than steering
Professor van Duijvenvoorde often observes that parents’ first instinct is to steer their child in a certain direction, whereas supporting them actually proves to be more effective. Parents can explore options together with their child and have open conversations about their interests and future goals.
Align with your child’s stage of development
Adolescence and young adulthood are all about autonomy and identity, and parents need to bear that in mind. Professor van Duijvenvoorde emphasises that ‘it’s important for parents to align with their child’s stage of development’.
Unfamiliar with higher education? No problem
For parents with no personal experience of higher education, the key point is this: it’s not about knowledge, but about engagement. Professor van Duijvenvoorde adds, ‘It’s not about your own experience, but about engagement and interest.’ Open days, study advisers and conversations with students help you gain a clear picture of your child’s options together.
Tips from Jaap de Leeuw, student counsellor
Stay in the background during open days
At open days, it’s tempting to hijack the conversation, but Jaap advises parents to stay in the background where possible: ‘Allow your child to take the lead. If your child struggles with that, try to offer gentle guidance.’
Listen to your own child, not your own experience
Parents who themselves studied at university sometimes want to steer their child in the same direction. Jaap takes a critical view of this: ‘I’d try to listen to your own child as carefully as possible, rather than suggesting something simply because you did it yourself.’ Particularly with ‘prestigious degree programmes’ such as Law, Jaap observes that highly educated parents are keener to have their say and sometimes want a specific degree to become a kind of family tradition.
Tips from Frank Parlevliet, student recruitment marketing strategist
Encourage your child to start early
Starting the exploration process early prevents stress later on, says Frank. Parents can encourage their child to take study choice tests early on, look at national platforms such as Studiekeuze123 for degree programmes in the Netherlands (in Dutch) and, most importantly, attend open days to get a sense of the atmosphere.
Ask the questions that your child forgets to ask
Generally, prospective students judge whether they like a degree programme, whereas the parents often ask more probing questions. Frank: ‘As a parent, you naturally ask a few extra questions about costs, practical matters and support. That’s precisely where you add value.’
When the programme starts, it’s time to let go
Give your child good guidance in the run-up, but don’t interfere once the programme has started. Frank says, ‘At some point, you need to let your child go. Ask your child how they’re getting on, rather than enquiring directly with the university.’
Tips from Sanne Weeber, student psychologist
Openly ask your child what they really enjoy
Sanne advises parents to focus on asking questions rather than telling their child what to do: ‘It’s important that parents keep an open mind in this process. Ask your child what they enjoy and what makes them happy.’
Look to the past to discover interests
A useful starting point can be to think back to what your child enjoyed doing during their childhood. Sanne: ‘That reveals what they were interested in from an early age, without being influenced by what others expect of them or consider important.’
Don’t worry too much about the future
A common concern that parents have is that a degree ‘has no future’. Sanne puts this into perspective: ‘Things usually work out fine. A degree shows, above all, that somebody can work at an academic level – even if they end up doing something completely different later on.’